Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
