I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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