my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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