Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
