Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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