Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
