***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i barfeds in our rink
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
