Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
