gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
