I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
