remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
