Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
