there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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