New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize