We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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