everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
