Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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