Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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