ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
