Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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