Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
