Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
