Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
