you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
