those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
