jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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