just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
