at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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