it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What a dumb baby whore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
