so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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