I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
