the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize