I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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