Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
