somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
