I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
