and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
