My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
