i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
