I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize