Im at strip club and am horny
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
