I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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