Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
