Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
