yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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