I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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