Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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