Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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