I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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