Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
