If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
