i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
